Come and Grow is a podcast hosted by two dear friends, Joy Star Bright and Lauren Barr. Lauren runs The Smarter Creative, a business operations studio for creative entrepreneurs. Joy is a soul care coach at Meridian Soul Care. They’re different in how they work and see the world, but deeply aligned in what they value. Each episode anchors in a value discussion and what each host is learning right now.
(listen on apple podcasts, spotify, youtube, pocketcasts)
In this episode:
Recap: Lauren’s reformer Pilates verdict (four out of five, not sweaty, very bougie)
Joy met a woman at the Y who is turning 90 in November, runs 10Ks, and weighs what she weighed in high school. Joy recorded the conversation. You’ll want to hear it.
This week’s value: Authenticity. Lauren went to Merriam-Webster. Joy went to the Greek. Both landed in the same place: acting from self, not performing for others.
IFS, parts work, and what “self” we’re actually being authentic to
Lauren’s one-journal-entry story that changed her life in her 20s
Joy’s Substack essay on embodiment and what it took to start listening to her body
Lauren learned to make a paper zine. She brought one. Joy lost it.
What’s coming up: Joy has a Renovare retreat in Colorado and a birthday trip to Texas. Lauren is deciding whether to make it to a family beach trip on Edisto Island.
✍️ Prompts for this week:
When are you not living your authentic self? When do you feel disconnected from who you want to be in this world?
Sit with that. Take it to your journal. And if something surprises you, you don’t have to share it with anyone. Full permission to keep that one for yourself.
LET US KNOW
We'd love to hear what authenticity means to yo.u Drop us a DM on Instagram (Joy or Lauren or both!) or leave a comment on YouTube or here on Substack. We would love to hear from you.
Resources Mentioned:
The song by Raye, “Joy” from This Music May Contain Hope (2026)
IFS (Internal Family Systems) — Richard Schwartz: https://ifs-institute.com
The 8 Cs and 5 Ps of Self in IFS — 8 Cs: Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, Connectedness. 5 Ps: Presence, Perspective, Patience, Persistence, Playfulness
Cultivate by The Cageless Birds (Melissa Helser essay):
The Creative Bodega with Em Connors (Canva content creator)
Free zine PDF formatter (Zine Arranger)
Connect with Joy:
Meridian Soul Care | Instagram
Connect with Lauren:
The Smarter Creative | Instagram | YouTube
The Conversation
Review on Last Week’s Comings Up
JOY: How did Reformer Pilates go? I’m dying to know. This was not regular Pilates.
LAUREN: Not regular Pilates. You’re on a machine. There are resistance bands built in. It was apparently created to help either injured people or people who couldn’t do mat Pilates on their own. It’s supposed to be easier on the body. I found that. My body was the good kind of sore the next couple of days.
I’m not somebody that works out a ton, dear listeners.
JOY: Yet.
LAUREN: Yet. At the moment. It did not kick me in the butt, which I was really grateful for. But it made me feel lovely.
I’m not a class person. That was the first workout class I’ve taken in almost a decade. Before COVID for sure. And going someplace, being with other people.
JOY: Lauren works from home. It’s a certain kind of thing.
LAUREN: I work out from home when I do it. But I could see where being accountable to it would be good. And it got my head spinning about what other workout classes are in town.
JOY: Would you recommend?
LAUREN: I would say definitely go try it, whether you’re a Pilates person or not. Four out of five.
JOY: Was it a big turnaround? Did you have to shower before you could go back to work? Because that’s what keeps me from going to a class.
LAUREN: It was not sweaty. Hardly sweaty at all. And maybe I should have made it sweatier, but I kept lowering my resistance.
JOY: No one is going to judge your sweatiness. You just go and do it how you want to.
The Woman at the Y
JOY: Speaking of exercise, I wanted to tell you about a woman I ran into at the Y today. I like to swim at the Y. That’s my vibe. I’m pretty independent with my workouts too. I do not do great in classes. I learned that in the samba class. I’m the lady at the back of the room where everyone’s like, please leave.
Anyway, I’m changing behind the curtain, and there’s this woman talking about how she’s going to be 90 in November. And they’re all saying, you look so great. She says, “I weigh the same thing I weighed when I graduated high school.” She has this accent. I’m behind my curtain like, who is this?
She comes back by. She’s just the sweetest lady. She’s talking about how she’s going to run the Virginia 10-Miler. And I’m like, can I just have a conversation with you for a minute? Because I need to understand how. I actually have an audio I want to play for you.
LAUREN: Oh my gosh. Yes.
JOY: She said, “As long as you don’t use my name.” So I’m just going to play a little bit of it.
Joy interviews the woman at the Y:
JOY: What tips would you give somebody who’s 46 and wants to make it to 90?
FABULOUS WOMAN: Just enjoy yourself. Take at least an hour before you go to bed to just relax. Even if you go to bed at midnight, take that last hour. And then start every morning with the Lord. Every morning. The first thing you do is think of what He’s doing and what He’s going to do. And then eat everything from the market. All fresh food. I don’t enjoy salt, so I use a lot of cayenne pepper. It takes the place of Advil. And take as few pills as possible.
JOY: Do you have pain in your body on a regular basis?
FABULOUS WOMAN: No pain. The only way to have different pain is to move.
JOY: To keep moving.
FABULOUS WOMAN: Yeah. If I get up during the night, my neck’s hurting some, I move.
JOY: And it goes away?
FABULOUS WOMAN: Move it. Yeah. I’m gonna get you next. You’re gonna give me tips too. We’re getting ready to go to the stretch class.
JOY: Unbelievable.
JOY: She went into a few other things after that, and then she said: “Also, you just need good friends.”
LAUREN: Oh my gosh.
JOY: She goes, “Do you have friends?” And I was ugly crying at that point. My face was just contorting. I said yes. I said I have very good friends.
LAUREN: I don’t even remember the last time I met a 90-year-old that vibrant.
JOY: I was not expecting it at all. And I thought it was so beautiful to meet her today because we’re about to talk about authenticity. And my whole thing that I’ve been sitting with for the last two weeks is embodiment. Listening to my body. This woman was just so fully in hers.
And her advice, “just enjoy yourself,” was exactly what we’re talking about today.
LAUREN: And the loneliness piece. The Huberman world, the optimized-life crowd, they’re starting to come around to this. I heard an interview where someone who used to say never drink because it’s poison was walking that back. He said if avoiding alcohol is keeping you from social interaction, the loneliness causes more harm than the drink you’re refusing.
JOY: They’re both real. And there are so many things that hold us back from spending time with people. Reels, late nights, socializing feeling awkward. But she looked at me and said, “Also have good friends.” And something in me just broke open.
Don’t let anything hold you back from spending time with people. It’s part of being human. Do the thing.
LAUREN: Just go out. Live a little.
Our Value: Authenticity
LAUREN: Well, me, the systems uber-nerd, of course looked up a definition.
Authenticity is the quality of being authentic. And Merriam-Webster says authentic means not false or imitation. It’s real. It’s actual. And there was a sub-point I really loved: true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character.
To live authentically, you have to know your own personality, spirit, or character. And so much of our lives are put on us. We conform, to what’s in our family, to what society expects, to what we think people want. We have to choose to get to know our own personality, spirit, and character in order to live authentically. And that’s a little hard.
I like putting authenticity as a podcast value because it means being true to what this podcast actually is. We get to decide what that looks like. We get to determine what’s false as we show up.
JOY: I went to the root meaning. The Greek was authenticus, which meant original, genuine, principal. And autos was about self, hentes is the one who acts. So it’s one who acts as themselves. Acting from self, not performing for others. Reliable. Not false.
And then the question that really got me was: what are we identifying as the self?
I started thinking about IFS and parts work, because the description of self that Richard Schwartz gives in No Bad Parts is the center of who we are. I call it the held self. I believe in a self that’s held in the hands of God. That seated-with-Christ-in-the-heavenly-places self.
From that place, you’re calm. You’re clear. You’re courageous. You’re creative. There’s a whole list of Cs that describe the authentic center self.
The problem is that when people say “just be yourself,” if you haven’t found your truest self, you could be acting from a fragmented part instead of your actual center.
LAUREN: So to find our truest self is parts work. It’s therapy.
JOY: It’s a kind of therapy, yes. It’s a modality. It’s not exclusive. You don’t only access your truest self through IFS. But it has worked wonders for me to discover my center. I’m really grateful.
And then my philosophy on it is: the closer we can get to the voice of the living God and his original design, the closer we get to our true selves. He holds the blueprints. How did He make Lauren to be? How did He make Joy to be? And then it becomes alignment. Choosing to believe what He says is true about you. Living into that. Agreeing that this is who He’s made you to be.
I tried lots of roads before I found that. I got really, really lost. And then finding that the Father was waiting. Like the prodigal, we come to ourselves, and then we find our way home.
LAUREN: Will you give us those Cs again?
JOY: The self in IFS is calm, clear, courageous, creative, compassionate. There are eight total. We’ll drop them in the show notes. They’re so anchoring. They help you check: am I acting out of my authentic self right now? Do I feel calm? Do I feel clear? And there are ways to get back to that.
LAUREN: Oof. Yes.
JOY: How about you? What helps you realign?
LAUREN: I feel like I’ve mostly just been me. Wearing wild clothes in fifth grade and not caring what anyone said. When my husband asked my dad for my hand in marriage, my dad’s response was, “Well, she’s gonna do what she wants to do.” He didn’t even say yes. Just: that permission’s not mine to give.
I feel like I’m my authentic self until I’m in fear or I’m not calm. And when I’m not, I notice it right away. Those moments are hallmarked in my life. I was either fully in my authentic self or fully out of it.
JOY: We’re either in it or we’re in a part. We’re in a feeling. When you have an exile, you’re just flooded.
LAUREN: I never want to be there again. I don’t like my nervous system being dysregulated. But you can get so disconnected from yourself that that’s all you know. It’s so hard to take a step back and ask: is this who I really want to be in my days? Am I going to choose to continue to live in this part, in this emotion, in this overwhelm? Or am I going to do something about it?
You need help with that. God’s help. Therapy. A friend. A good journal prompt.
I was really overwhelmed in my 20s. A lot of my identity was tied up in work. I’d come home every day and just complain to my husband, the same stories. He finally looked at me and said, “I will not listen to this anymore. You can go journal about it, but until you change something, you cannot tell me anymore.”
I was so upset. And he was right. He was like, I won’t be complicit in you staying here.
So I journaled. And it was so striking to see what was actually going through my head. I closed that journal. I never touched it again. And I completely shifted my life.
JOY: That is always true of you. You see the thing, you have the intel, and then you’re just done. I’ve seen you do it with even small things. You make a decision and you stay with it.
I’m sometimes the Groundhog Day lady. But thank you for sharing that.
LAUREN: I’m curious what authenticity means to our listeners. I could speak for two hours on this. If you have thoughts, share them. Or ask yourself this: when are you not living your authentic self? When do you feel disconnected from who you want to be in this world?
JOY: We’ll drop that question in the show notes so you can take it to your journal. And then let us know what you came up with. Or don’t. Full permission to not share anything that shocked you.
What We’re Learning
JOY: The biggest conversation internally for me right now is embodiment. I wrote an essay about it on Substack. I started writing an email, and then it got too long and I was like, this is a Substack essay. That’s how I roll.
It started with a 400-word post I did for Renovare. The Lord started bringing up instances of when I first started feeling connected to my body, and how long that took. This idea that my body was trying to talk to me, and there were ways for me to connect with her.
One line that came out of our Selah Sisters conversation was from a Melissa Helser essay in the Cultivate book by The Cageless Birds. The idea of embracing your humanity as not a hindrance but as a meeting place with God. That was one of the first times I started to feel my body, actually in worship. I was a good little Baptist girl, but I had friends at an Assemblies of God church, and the music was so much fun. I would go and just get all into it. My body felt alive. I felt loved by God and connected. That was one of the first places.
I grew up in Chile, and there’s a lot of dancing in Chile.
The way my body communicates with me is through limits. The limits of my body, especially as I get older, are the language of my body to me. And if I listen, I know I’ll go further.
It comes back to simple things. Getting enough sleep. Eating food from the market. She says. Staying hydrated. Exercise. Nobody wants to hear it, but it’s true. And I feel happy right now because I went to the pool and I had really good food this morning.
LAUREN: Joy’s newsletter is beautiful, by the way. She gives journaling prompts and things to think about and shares her resources, and you should go sign up.
And I’ll say, as I was listening to Joy talk, I’m learning to get more in my body too. I’m naturally in my head. But lately I’m learning that for me, getting into my body means getting into my hands.
I was inspired by a woman I found on Instagram, someone creating content in a way that’s completely unlike what everyone else is doing. She made a paper zine. And I was like, what is that?
JOY: You should have prepared me for this because I’m about to lose it.
LAUREN: I made a little zine. Here.
JOY: Oh my gosh. Guys, you have to see this. It’s a little blue zine. She made the content herself, and then she used a template for the folding. Lauren. I’m obsessed. You cannot show me something handmade and not give it to me.
LAUREN: You can have that one. I’ll make another.
JOY: You can’t do that to me. I love it so much.
LAUREN: It was my first time folding it. I’m excited to do it again. Now my head is spinning about making them for birthday gifts and little mementos. I learned to make journal covers with leatherworking and bookbinding, and I really enjoy that. I’ve been trying knitting, but my brain isn’t quite there yet. I think folding and making with my hands, that’s where I go.
For anyone curious: I designed the pages in Canva, then found a free tool online that formats an eight-page PDF onto one sheet you fold and cut into a little zine. I’ll drop the link in the show notes. Some people do fully handmade collage zines. Some print them. The whole point is it’s self-published, short-form, reproducible.
JOY: I have to pick up my kid this afternoon and then we are making zines. He already uses Canva like a pro. He makes little videos with his friends and I taught him how to make thumbnails. He’s going to be so into this.
LAUREN: The best part is it didn’t cost me anything. I already have the printer.
JOY: So much to love. Are we done yet? Because I need to go make one right now.
What’s Coming Up
JOY: What’s coming up for me, besides the zine this afternoon, is that I’m feeling really inspired to do more content on Instagram. I’m mostly a stories girl, but I’d love to be more consistent with posts. I ran a little poll on stories about soul care topics people want to talk about. Embodiment came back the highest, followed by religious trauma and a couple others. Good feedback.
I’m also going to go back to some things I learned in The Coven with Em Connors. She’s like a Canva expert and she taught me how to use templates and make them your own.
And then June is just wild. I’m going to a Renovare retreat in Colorado at a Franciscan retreat center, which I’m really excited about. And then after that, for my birthday, I’m going to Texas to see my friend Lucy. She’s going to take me to all the places she’s been wanting to show me. And we cannot buy a single thing because she’s packing her whole life into a Prius, including her cat, her sewing machine, and her growing shoe collection.
LAUREN: What’s coming up for me is a maybe. My dad’s side of the family has rented a beach house on Edisto Island in South Carolina for the second year in a row. Right on the water. My parents are aging, and any chance I have to be with them, I want to take it. My aunts and uncles are there, all my cousins. It’s a lovely time.
The variable is logistics. Ben is starting a project at the lake, commuting every day, so it’s just me and the dog. I’ll probably make the decision last minute. But I hope I go. Just for a night or two. Some beach walks.
JOY: The question is: does the laptop come or not?
LAUREN: I don’t think so. There’s not time for it at the beach. I went to Disney without it, and that was the right call.
JOY: We’ll hear the update next episode. And if our cadence is a little wonky this summer, just be generous with us. We’ll be in and out.
May your summer plans be authentic ones. Journal about them. Make good choices.
LAUREN: Don’t do things just because other people expect you to. What’s true for you?
JOY: Thank you so much for joining us. Jump into our DMs anytime.
LAUREN: Thanks for letting me come over. I’m so glad you came, Joy.
JOY: I loved it. See you guys.
One more from the woman at the Y — played after the episode wrapped:
JOY: Do you have pain in your body on a regular basis?
FABULOUS WOMAN: The only way to have different pain is to move.
JOY: To keep moving.
FABULOUS WOMAN: Yeah. If I get up during the night, my neck’s hurting some, I move.
JOY: And it goes away?
FABULOUS WOMAN: Move it. Yeah. We’re getting ready to go to the stretch class.
JOY: Unbelievable.
Resources Mentioned:
The song by Raye, “Joy” from This Music May Contain Hope (2026)
IFS (Internal Family Systems) — Richard Schwartz:
https://ifs-institute.com
The 8 Cs and 5 Ps of Self in IFS — 8 Cs: Curiosity, Compassion, Calm, Clarity, Courage, Confidence, Creativity, Connectedness. 5 Ps: Presence, Perspective, Patience, Persistence, Playfulness
Cultivate by The Cageless Birds (Melissa Helser essay):
The Creative Bodega with Em Connors (Canva content creator)
Free zine PDF formatter (Zine Arranger)
Connect with Joy:
Meridian Soul Care | Instagram
Connect with Lauren:
The Smarter Creative | Instagram | YouTube
